I plead busyness with school as my excuse for not having written here sooner. Excuses are a bad habit though. It IS one of the main reasons I haven’t written, and the other would be that I just haven’t been thinking about anything I felt was blog-worthy. Nothing deep-ish, that is.
Today I realized that my thinking has been taking a decidedly agnostic turn. I still pray on occasion, although that has become increasingly difficult in the last year, but more and more often I catch fleeting thoughts to the effect of “how can anyone really know if there is a god?” I know some people require irrefutable proof of the existence of a deity before they will believe one exists. Others believe that god is something or someone who, by nature, can never be proven to exist or not exist, and that one must choose (rather blindly, it seems to me) to believe or disbelieve in his/her/its existence. I, for one, cannot bring myself to confidently believe either way. I wonder sometimes if I ever will and envy those who do.
I would like to believe there is a god. A god who takes an interest in life here on earth and who is approachable and relatable. But if there is, then what is he like? All sorts of religions claim different things about her or them (gods plural) that it gets confusing trying to sort through it all to find out who is right. Life would be simpler if god didn’t exist and everyone knew it. Would there be meaning to life? I was lead to believe that without the Christian version of god life was meaningless. But is that really true? Probably not. Maybe there is not a universal meaning that is applied to everyone’s life, but instead an individual one chosen by each person. And maybe that’s the case even if there IS a god? That seems more likely to me. After all, everyone seems to have different values and find meaning in different things. Why shouldn’t it be individual?